Memo, To C.M. and PSNA
I would like to lodge a formal complaint with Captain Malaprop and Mrs. PSNA.
There is no coffee in Shazz's house.
Not a drop. Not even that awful instant stuff.
How do you expect me to get any work done? How do you expect me to graduate??
So why am I blaming Captain Malaprop and Mrs. PSNA for this? It's their son's house. How the hell did you raise this boy? If I have guests, I make sure that their requirments are met well before they arrive! If they are Earl Grey drinkers, there's Earl Grey in the house. If they are Orange Pekoe drinkers, there is Orange Pekoe in the house. If they are crack addicts, I take them down to the village. I always keep sugar around, even though I don't take it myself, just in case a sugar-taker drops by.
Honestly, my coffee-drinking is an addiction, and should be treated as such. If I were a crack addict, everyone would feel sorry for me! And maybe give me money! But no! I'm merely addicted to coffee! I'm expected to wake up without the psychological comfort of knowing there is coffee in the house! I'm expected to iron my skirt without any coffee in my system! I'm expected to walk a damn mile, uphill, no doubt, to get to the coffee!! What kind of uncivilized, useless, philistine-ish lardo have you raised?!
To make this up to me, I demand the following: I want your coffee maker. You use it three times a year. A coffee maker like that deserves someone who will love it every day. I don't care if it's bigger than the counter in my kitchen. I'll put it in the living room. Or kick one of the roomates out and use her room as a cafe! And charge people for entry! And I'll put all my books in there!! I'll call it the Kitchen Cafe! It'll be awesome!
I'm having flashbacks to the Great Coffee-less Caper of Oct '05. If I weren't too tired, I'd link to that post. As it stands, I think I'm gonna cry.
There is no coffee in Shazz's house.
Not a drop. Not even that awful instant stuff.
How do you expect me to get any work done? How do you expect me to graduate??
So why am I blaming Captain Malaprop and Mrs. PSNA for this? It's their son's house. How the hell did you raise this boy? If I have guests, I make sure that their requirments are met well before they arrive! If they are Earl Grey drinkers, there's Earl Grey in the house. If they are Orange Pekoe drinkers, there is Orange Pekoe in the house. If they are crack addicts, I take them down to the village. I always keep sugar around, even though I don't take it myself, just in case a sugar-taker drops by.
Honestly, my coffee-drinking is an addiction, and should be treated as such. If I were a crack addict, everyone would feel sorry for me! And maybe give me money! But no! I'm merely addicted to coffee! I'm expected to wake up without the psychological comfort of knowing there is coffee in the house! I'm expected to iron my skirt without any coffee in my system! I'm expected to walk a damn mile, uphill, no doubt, to get to the coffee!! What kind of uncivilized, useless, philistine-ish lardo have you raised?!
To make this up to me, I demand the following: I want your coffee maker. You use it three times a year. A coffee maker like that deserves someone who will love it every day. I don't care if it's bigger than the counter in my kitchen. I'll put it in the living room. Or kick one of the roomates out and use her room as a cafe! And charge people for entry! And I'll put all my books in there!! I'll call it the Kitchen Cafe! It'll be awesome!
I'm having flashbacks to the Great Coffee-less Caper of Oct '05. If I weren't too tired, I'd link to that post. As it stands, I think I'm gonna cry.
posted by j | 3:11 AM
1 Comments:
i think you should kidnap the damn thing, if they don't give it to you.
it's simply not fair that a thing of beauty like that should languish.
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