Panic

Me: (panicking) I think England are going to lose!
Mum: Why do you think that?
Me: I couldn't get tickets to a party tonight! Everytime England lose something awful happens! You know that at this party something amazing will happen - like, Bono'll show up and give an impromptu concert or something!
Mum: Don't be silly.
Me: Seriously. The last two world cups, when England lose, double devastation has been wreaked on my life.
Mum: Go drink your coffee. And, look, just go to the game and enjoy it.
Me: Enjoy it? Enjoy it?! Football is not about enjoyment!!


It isn't, people. It's so painful. It's devastating. It's heart-wrenching. It gets your hopes up, then dashes them against the pub floor like so many tomatoes against a ref's face.

Why do I watch?