Evidence my parents are losing their minds

1. Captain Malaprop (aka Dad): "I don't understand offside. If the defenders aren't there, it's their own fault!"

2. Scene: The bookstore. J reads a magazine. Cell phone rings.

J: Hello?
Mum: J?
J: Yes?
Mum: Where are you?
J: At the bookstore.
Mum: What are you doing?
J: Reading. What else do I ever do?
Mum: When are you coming home?
J: Soon. When I'm done.
Mum: How are you getting home?
J: Bus, I guess.
Mum: I think the bus is dangerous.
J: Ok, I'll take a cab.
Mum: I'm not sure the cabs are safe either.
J: So, neither the bus nor the cabs are safe... in Ottawa? At 9:30 on a Sunday night?
Mum: No. We'll come pick you up.

3. Captain Malaprop is convinced that he saw Aishwarya Rai downtown the other day. No amount of argument (eg, What in heck was Aishwarya doing in Ottawa?) will convince him otherwise.

Don't worry, Shazz, I'm looking into institutions.